Donkey Kong Country 4

After more than a decade since our last game, Donkey Kong Country 4 has finally begun production!  After nearly two consoles of bongo-banging spin-off bullcrap, we can finally take a trip down memory lane back into the platforming genre, which really needs some revitalizing nowadays.  Without further ado, let’s introduce…Donkey Kong Country 4: Kalamity on Kongo Bongo.  Yeah, naming the island after the protagonist was so 90′s…

"Yay, little buddy! We're finally in a Wii game that doesn't suck Necky's nuts!"

Now, clear your mind of those unimaginative designer’s-block Kongs that have been stuffed down your throat as of late.  DK and Diddy have finally stopped getting kidnapped and are back in a 3-D platformer that brings back all you adored about the original DKC trilogy.  K. Rool makes his glorious return as well; this time, he’s…one of the good guys?  Or is he…

Story:

The good Kremling King has been campaigning for the office of Kongo Bongo’s Ruler, surprising the gullible Kongs with his surprisingly good deeds and solid platform.  Even that hare-brained oaf DK can’t seem to measure up to his old archrival with his own platform, which gives the impression of stupidity and laziness when compared to K. Rool’s intellectual and well-thought-out ideas.  Fueled by his distate at being the underdog, DK still remains suspicious about Rool’s motivation for becoming Ruler…

When it comes time to vote, K. Rool has garnered enough support to defeat DK in a near unanimous vote.  Only the big ape’s little buddy Diddy ended up casting a vote for him.  At the grand inauguration ceremony, Cranky presents Rool with the mystical wish-granting Crystal Coconut, as the Ruler is required to guard the Coconut from evil.  Its powers in the wrong hands would be calamitous.  Rool lets out a good-hearted chuckle as he heads back to his lair.  A long election day’s work had paid off.

Upon awakening, DK forlornly downs his breakfast of bananas, bananas, and more bananas, before strolling down to the beach to reflect on his loss in the election.  Upon getting in sight, an ear-raping noise reaching the muscular dunce, who hastened along curiously.  DK reached the beach to find an army of Kremlings bulldozing his favorite sun-bathing stretch of land.  The big ape gasped in horror; K. Rool’s army has been destroying land protected for wildlife for their own nefarious purposes!  Suddenly, a scream is heard through the bushes.  DK rushes to find a trio of Kremlings, making off with a tied-up Diddy!

DK unleashes a massive Banana Slamma punch on the Kremlings, downing the startled reptiles in one hit.  Diddy lets out a gasp of relief, and informs DK of K. Rool’s first acts as Ruler.  Not only has he stripped the island of all wildlife protection and the Kongs of their former democracy and basic rights, but he has set up Kongcentration Kamps to rid himself of his hated enemies and establish Kremlings as the superior island race.  Oh yeah, and Rool had ordered his general Klump to remove DK’s entire Banana Horde to use as a secondary power source, the first being the prized Coconut.  DK roared in anger; he knew something was fishy about Rool shedding his diabolical ways during the election!  The Kongs looked at each other and knew that it was time to quit monkeying around and set off into the jungle on a revolutionary adventure.